Perspective...

"All of us interpret, for the most part, without even knowing. We all read reality through the lens of our fears, desires, assumptions, and judgments. Of course, we need our interpretations: They serve as filters to domesticate the uncanny and provide stability and order. But every time we settle on one perception, every time we stop turning over a story, we limit our understanding and miss a deeper insight. In other words, we stunt meaning."
~Irwin Kula

Your desire shall be for your husband...

Your desire shall be for your husband. Genesis 3:16
Recently I have been more aware of this notion.

Before the fall, God created Eve from Adams rib. The intent was for equal partnership.
After the fall of man, God is clear about the consequences for women.
¹⁶To the woman He said,
"I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you."
If God wanted man to rule over women, he would have symbolically created her from the heal.


I found a blog that has helped me put words to what I am contemplating. Of course I could reword to make it sound like I came up with these ideas, but that is simply not true!

"The word for “desire” in Genesis 3:16 can mean craving or longing. The issue is best understood if we make the simple substitution of God for her husband. Her desire SHOULD BE for her God. Instead, her desire/craving/longing is misplaced. The curse is not that women want to dominate the men in their lives. Women’s problem is that they worship the men in their lives and look to them for affirmation and provision emotionally and spiritually for things that God alone is supposed to provide. Their problem is IDOLATRY. If you think that the foundational result of the fall of man in the average woman’s life is a desire to dominate, your ministry is going to miss … well … the vast majority of problems in a woman’s life. Certainly, I know my fair share of dominating, manipulative, control freakish women (of which I am often chief), but our problem goes much deeper than the symptomatic issue of control. We are idolaters! We looked to men to meet a need they couldn’t meet—emotionally, spiritually, physically. And instead of recognizing our sovereign, compassionate, and wise Father in heaven as the place to which we should have looked, we started looking within ourselves once the men in our lives disappointed us. Control tactics aren’t the manifestation of an innate desire to dominate the men in our lives. Instead, we resort to manipulation and control because we longed too hard to rest in the men in our lives. We grasp and clamor, “Lead me spiritually. Provide for me physically. Affirm me emotionally.” And when they can’t or don’t, then we attempt to lead ourselves spiritually, provide for ourselves physically, and seek outside affirmation for ourselves emotionally. Instead, we don’t need to change our desire or craving. We simply need to change the object of it."

I know manipulation all too well and I see it in the lives of other women around me. There are several manifestations of this...from the desperate woman that believes she must have a man in order to feel complete, to the woman who believes there is no man that possibly could complete and she remains alone and unwilling to see the goodness of partnership. I recently heard the thought that there is a reason Satan tempted Eve first. Perhaps Satan knew the potential vulnerability Adam had with Eve as a woman.

I long for protection and perhaps I hold responsibility to protect my husband by not alluring him with control and manipulation. And yet I do this because I desire him in ways that he is unable to fulfill. It is complicated and though I would like to believe with all my heart that God can only fulfill this deep desire within me, the truth is that I am still searching for that fulfillment. Our yearnings as women bring us to new places of understanding. I am not sure if I understand in a way of thought and theory, but more from a peace in my heart...the kind that surpasses understanding.

Onward Katy...

Creative photography - Guys walk across america

Inspiration...
still frame photography. These guys used one camera, a tripod, 14 days, a few thousand photos, a few thousand miles, a protractor, a string, and a bit of math. We are created to be creative!

Pale Ale delicious

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." ~Kaiser Wilhelm

Some of you may not know this but one of my favorite hobbies is to brew beer. My interest began when my friends Heidi & Chris decided to brew beer for their wedding back in 2005. Since then, I have learned from one of the best...my father in law Jay. He has been a brew master for many years now and he is passing on the legacy! For my birthday this year, Jay gave me the ingredients to one of his recipes that actually won an award. This pale ale may be one of my best brews and I am willing to share the recipe (for all you other brew masters out there) and my experience. Enjoy :)

ingredients:
7lbs extra pale malt syrup
12oz 20L crystal malt crushed grain
2 oz cascade leaf hops
2 oz zeus leaf hops
white labs california ale yeast - WLP 001
hopping schedule depending on your style...let me know if you want mine!

baked kale chips

Kale Chips inspired by http://inthelittleredhouse.blogspot.com/

kale rinsed, dried, bottom (thickest part) of the stems cut off.

-olive oil

-lemon juice

-salt & pepper
-garlic

Cut or kale into smaller, bite sized pieces.

toss with olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper, and garlic

spread onto lined baking sheet and bake at 250° 30-35 minutes, or until light and crisp.

yummmmm!!

Yearnings - Irwin Kula

a book that gives me words.


words from rabbi kula:

*great wisdom traditions are born of this desire for answers, this urge to make sense out of chaos and discover what really matters in life.

*every answer to our important questions leads to a new important question.

*the search for truth is not about letting go; it's about going deeper. the goal is not reaching a single realization, but living the process of realizing again and again.

*when we both hold and question our truths we become life long learners rather than absolute knowers- as well as more interesting and much easier people to be with.

*when we think we've found the final truth we're a little less alive, a little less awake, and the world itself is diminished.

*relationships are a constant dialectic between faith and doubt.

*the more we allow our selves to unfold, the less likely we are to unravel.

*the ability to live with seeming contradictions and the ambivalence and tension these contradictions create is what gives rise to wisdom. the messes are the point.

I am only on chapter 2!

the bear turns 2...

I have noticed that the majority of my latest blogs have included thoughts about my niece Alexis. Maybe because it is almost impossible to turn from her beautiful innocence or maybe I am pondering my own 2 year old self. I experience such warmth when I am around her...she lights up the party and gives us something to talk about. So once again, I am blogging about Alexis. May these photos tell the story to how much joy this little girl brings into this world. I love you Alex bear :)

Booty God Booty by Jon Acuff

This article was shared last week in church...enjoy!

Booty, God, Booty.

I realized this while listening to my favorite radio station in Atlanta, V103, “The People’s Station.” It’s a hip hop station that plays mostly rap and R&B. The best thing about V103 is their morning show. Every day at 6:30AM when I’m driving to work, they have a segment called the “Inspirational Vitamin.” They read a Bible verse and play a gospel song or a clip by a minister from Atlanta. I honestly find it to be an uplifting experience overall. The thing I find most interesting, however, is how they wedge the Inspirational Vitamin into their normal programming. What often happens is that at 6:25AM, right before they transition to the spiritual segment of the show, they play some sort of booty song. Let’s say, “I’m N Luv Wit’ a Stripper.” Then they do the Bible verse at 6:30AM. And then they go right back to something like Lil’ Wayne “Lollipop” at 6:35AM. They essentially bookend the Inspirational Vitamin with booty, following a fairly simple formula: Booty, God, Booty.

It’s easy to laugh at how insincere that Inspirational Vitamin seems when it’s sandwiched between hardcore rap songs, but maybe God is listening to the broadcast of my week, and this is what he hears:

1. Saturday night, I’m out on the town. Doing my own thing. This is my time. God’s at home babysitting my stuff.

2. Sunday morning, back with God. We’re tight. We’re praying. We’re BFF. I might even be safely enrobed in the middle of a hedge of protection.

3. Monday, back at work in my office. God’s in the car in the parking lot, where I left my Bible.

It might not be as graphic or as neon, but the juxtaposition between who I am when I’m in “God mode” and who I am when I’m not is pretty substantial. Next time you transition between two parts of your day, ask yourself, “Did I just Booty, God, Booty?”

That’s my inspirational vitamin for today.

» “Booty, God, Booty – Remix” at Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff

My handsome nephew...

Miles Eugene Leet

multicultural and diversity...my lack of awareness

People are hated; people hate themselves; people hate others

Each week after reading through the assigned articles for my ethics class I am overwhelmed with the question, “Can I do this work?” I am reminded of the accountability that this profession asks of me. To not only reflect on my own personal experiences but also the core of how I have come to believe certain things of God, humanity, and myself.

Just the other night, my husband and I were having a conversation with a bi-racial couple over the word nigger. Even typing the word is uncomfortable for me. I was beyond grateful that we were able to have a conversation, as I gained insight with my friends. Yet in the moment I realized how I had not embraced and recognized my friend’s black identity. I suppose I could say that I had a sobering moment where our differences were acknowledge. Though I can say that our differences of skin color and all the experiences that come with that has never gotten in the way of our friendship, I see my failure in not recognizing how different we have experienced life because of this truth.

In my attempt to become aware of my own cultural values and biases, I have become more aware of my naivety as well. My husband and I intentionally moved into a diverse neighborhood in Tacoma, only to realize our impact and influence in the process of gentrification. I have so much to learn and I think this may only come from being in relationship with who see the world differently. De La Torre’s writes about this well that “Relationships with each other, and God, become a source for moral guidance, capable of debunking the social structures erected and subsequently normalized by the dominant culture.”

After this week, I am struggling with the realm of the unspeakable around me. As I get in touch with how others hate me, how I hate myself, and how I hate others, I am hopeful for the opportunities that may come about. I am beginning to understand the kinds of hate I am most familiar with and what is beneath that scares the shit out of me. I pray that this reflective work helps to stretch my capacity, as White puts it, to bear witness with others in helping them find a way to survive being hated and hating.

“The very identity of those claiming to be Christian becomes defined by their relationship to their God and to their neighbor.”

Wild Geese ~ Mary Oliver

One of my beautiful friends from school shared this Mary Oliver poem with a group of us last week. Which reminded me of reading Mary with another dear friend. We are meant to live life with others. We are not meant to be alone. Though loneliness seems to be close by, I must remember that I am not alone. Like Mary writes...we all have a place in the family of things!

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mary Oliver

why do you believe what you believe?

“Relationships with each other, and God, become a source for moral guidance, capable of debunking the social structures erected and subsequently normalized by the dominant culture.”

when a new one comes along...

Change. Transition. I have been thinking about my niece lately and what her world may be like with a new little brother. There is something very beautiful about watching this family grow as these two parents give their best effort to love these little ones. Miles and Alexis, brother and sister. I can only imagine the adventures these two siblings have ahead of them.

written affirmation

My dear friend Meag is gifted at giving gifts. Some how she sent me mail while overseas (somehow I think I may need to thank her mom for sending it from the States). The point is she thinks ahead...she is one of the most thoughtful people I know. There is something that melts inside of me when knowing there is someone else thinking about me. To know that someone else cherishes me and intentionally creates something that attempts to reflect that love is a gift in itself. It is rare that I receive a hand written letter nowadays. I miss that. I think I want to be better about sending written letters and affirmations to those I care about.

Handmade card from an artist in Lagos, Nigeria.

It's the little things...shells in a tea package!

Even the inside of the package is lavishly colorful

Hand sewn to close the package!

Perspective...

I am working on a creative project for school...
I have gotten lost in the raw words of Sabrina Ward Harrison...here is what I have picked up after flipping through her pages:

Study to know yourself as you really are.
Belong to yourself.
Your soul will awaken.
Get out of your nightgown and lie naked in moonlight.
Share your real self.
Nourishing voyage.
Splendidly imperfect.
When did I start doubting who I am?
I have learned that frustration is allowed and talking it through is necessary.
We are all facing choices that define us.

Alexis' First Easter Egg Hunt

Happy Easter!
Risen...Jesus has risen indeed

Can faith move mountains?

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him."

Mark 11:22-23

to feel alive.

I am on a journey. Recently I have felt more alive than I have in quite awhile. It is almost too difficult to express in words, yet I know that there is transformation occurring within me. I am beyond grateful for this movement in learning to be kind. I am discovering my voice, seeing the best effort in others, and growing in being able to hold both glory and depravity. I am learning that who I am is quite enough and I delight...yep I said it...DELIGHT in who I am created to be. It is a new season for me to claim God's truth over my life. Hold on tight, here we go!

buddy leet

Meet Buddy...he has been keeping me company the last few weeks. Buddy has been on loan from my in-laws while James was in India. The time has come to part ways and I am a little torn about it. Having Buddy around has actually taught me a thing or two. The part I have enjoyed the most is our daily routine of walking around my neighborhood. It is fascinating the conversations that get started with mutual dog owners. I also found that children were more open to interacting with me when Buddy was around. Not only was it great exercise for the both of us, but I was able to notice more about my neighborhood that I hadn't in the past. So one of the many lessons Buddy has taught me is to take time, have a daily rhythm of noticing what is around your neighborhood, talk to strangers...I will miss Buddy!

"To take a photograph is to align the head, the eye, and the heart.
It's a way of life."
~Henri Cartier Bresson

Epiphanie- stylish resting place for your camera

Through my blogging journey and photography interests, I found this site. Epiphanie sells creative and stylish camera bags. I love thinking about how artistic individuals follow their passion and BAM they begin to create it and then share it with others. Lovely. Check em' out

L'Amoureuse

I don't know what Carla is singin'...but I like it! Something about love :)

inspiration...

I have recently joined a photography group...shutter sisters! I am excited to be challenged and inspired by the many others out there who are attempting to snap shot the world. There's the Daily Click as well as the One Word Project, where each month a member chooses a word and the rest of the photographers tag that word with a photo. Loooove it! This brings me copious amounts of excitement. Here are my photos. The word of the month is DREAM. And as usual some of my favorite quotes from Mary Oliver! The first photo is my sister in law and lil' monkey to be in Playa del Carmen. The second is from an art installation at Mars Hill Grad School done by Heather Smith...lovely, so lovely!