un cuento de Flor y Tigre

Once upon a time there was a flower. Most knew her by the name of Flor. Every day Flor would wait for the daily rain to come and refresh her roots. But one day the rain ceased and she became very worried. Most of the animals had left and many of her friends began to wither. One by one her petals began to dry up but Flor did not lose hope. She knew the Great Rains would return if she would hold on to what she knew was true.

Many days had passed and Flor was left with only her stem and center. As the sun came up the next morning, a new friend had wandered along Flor's path. He too was looking for hope and fresh rain to drink. Flor asked "Excuse me kind sir, what is your name?" "My name is Tigre" he boldly answered. "What are you doing here?" Flor asked. Tigre kindly replied, "Well I have come to sit and wait with you for the rain to come." Flor was stunned and speechless for she knew the cost of such a decision. For days and days, Tigre and Flor sat side by side while they waited. Flor was beyond grateful for the company and Tigre learned a great deal about selflessness and patience. When one of them became consumed with disbelief, the other would gently remind them of the promise, that the Great Rain would never abandon or forsake them.

40 days had passed and then it happened...the sky opened and the rain began to pour. Flor and Tigre opened themselves to the pure drops of life, for they were beyond parched. Both turned to one another with gratitude. They knew their faith had not vanished.

Learning Great Things From the Greats

Generational Blessings.
I never knew my Great Grandparents.
Perspective...to have 4 generations in one room.

This reminds me of a Sara Groves song..
I can taste the fruit of Eve
I’m aware of sickness, death and disease
The results of our choices are vast
Eve was the first but she wasn’t the last

And if I were honest with myself
Had I been standing at that tree
My mouth and my hands would be covered with fruit
Things I shouldn’t know and things I shouldn’t see

Remind me of this with every decision
Generations will reap what I sow
I can pass on a curse or a blessing
To those I will never know

She taught me to fear the serpent
I’m learning to fear myself
And all of the things I am capable of
In my search for wisdom, acceptance and wealth

And to say that the devil made me do it
Is a cop out and a lie
The devil can’t make me do anything
When I’m calling on Jesus Christ

Remind me of this with every decision
Generations will reap what I sow
I can pass on a curse or a blessing
To those I will never know

To my great, great, great grand daughter
Live in peace
To my great, great, great grand son
Live in peace
To my great, great, great grand daughter
Live in peace
To my great, great, great grand son
Live in peace, oh, live in peace

Remind me of this with every decision
Generations will reap what I sow
I can pass on a curse or a blessing
To those I will never know

Oh, remind me
Generations will reap what I sow
I can pass on a curse or a blessing
To those I will never know
Oh, I may never know

2 Months for the JO

Jamison Oliver...you are growing so fast. Your 2 months was marked by your very first plane ride. I could not have asked for a better traveling baby. We accompanied Grandma Dinsdale to the land of Utah where your great Grandparents live. I can tell already that you are an adaptable and resilient boy!

Baby Leg Warmers

I found a new fun project! When did I find the time to make these you might ask? Well, on our drive down to Portland. 2.25 hours of free time while Jamison slept in his carseat :)

Poem from my great great grandmother Farley

My mom recently shared this poem that she found while sorting and organizing through her garage. It was written by my great great grandma Farley. My grandma's grandma...it speaks well to the season I find myself at times!


In the midst of a bog

An old bullfrog

Sat on a log

And croaked and croaked


It’s an ugly old world

He sadly said

All slime and water soaked


But you’re looking down the Blue Jay said

Look at the clear blue sky instead


Hear the birds

And the hum of the bees

The world is filled with melodies

So why should you drink from miseries cup

For goodness sake

Look up.,..look up

mum and son

Love this series of photos...thanks to my hubs. I am usually on the other side of the camera, so these are special to me.

"Come boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."

Shel Silverstein

Reminders...ask for help and stomp the guilt

Here's another vulnerable blog for ya. These photos have been in pending in my blog inbox for at least two weeks now. For good reason, I have had to think about if I wanted to share these or not. I am not even sure if there are others out there reading my reflections, but I find it extremely freeing to be transparent and raw. I keep looking at these photos and thinking to myself, "Is that me? Did I really go though that? Do we seriously have a son?" Like I mentioned in a previous blog (I think), laboring/delivering Jamison into the world was one of the most difficult and rewarding things I have ever experienced. Also mentioned in a previous blog...I am a SLOW processor. I am now beginning to enjoy and embrace this part about me. Not to mention I have had even less time to process this event. So it might take awhile and this is my attempt. Because it's important! The theme of this week...stomp on guilt and ask for help. The presence of guilt has been overwhelming at times. It is difficult to explain but it is most present in my ambivalence around being a mom and this new role I have been given. Guilt around wanting time and space for myself. Guilt around not feeling like a good wife and friend to my wonderful husband. Guilt that I haven't been able to pour into other relationships because I am simply too tired. Guilt for not being able to clean, cook, or even shower some days...the list has the potential to go on and on but the point is to STOMP on these feelings. Though I think it is valuable to name and address the guilt but then to say whatever...I just had a 9lb baby and it is going to take time to heal and transition...seriously! A new leaf has been turned this week as it started off with hanging out with my dear friend, and fairly new momma, Susanne. There is a reason we need to ask for help from others. I forget this too quickly and and am gracefully reminded every time I walk away from valuable conversations that involve allowing others to help and care for me. I will end my reflection with these photos, which are reminders of life and surrender. Thanks again to my friend Jessica for being in the room and capturing these beautiful and raw moments. These photos and thoughts of mine are pearls...read them and look at them knowing you are being invited into a vulnerable part of my heart :)

Reminder to self when I am frustrated with my aching and slow healing body...honey you pushed for almost 3 hours...3 HOURS! I remember asking James to put on some "eye of the tiger" type music...you know, for motivation. I tuned out the music after a song or two.


My amazing husband and "birth partner." The look on his face is priceless. I am so grateful for your amazing partnership in this experience babe. I could not have done it without you!


36ish hours of labor...I still haven't fully counted the hours but all I know is it was LONG!


And then he came!! This photo is the most rewarding. My face, my tears...what I felt in that moment is almost unexplainable. My best description joyful relief and exhaustion.


We are very grateful for the hospital staff at St. Josephs. What an amazing crew. Bernie, my midwife, kept saying that we have the A team tonight! Birthing plans are kind of a joke (to me at least) because rarely anything goes as planned. But some of the things I hoped would happen did and I am grateful the staff did their best to make it happen.


Love this photo...here we are, the Leet FAMILY of 3 (well 4 if you include Durango)!


Joyful relief and exhaustion


Jamison Leet and his feet!!

Motherhood is NOT for sissies...

Why don't we talk about how hard it is to be a first time mom (or a mom in general)?
Today I cried...a lot...

Perhaps it is because I am transitioning from academia, independence, and the beat of my own rhythm to being the lifeline to my precious son. The "simplicity" of diaper changing, laundry, and breastfeeding produce a long suffering I never knew existed...until now.

My body slowly heals..damn sore nipples and achy bones remind me everyday that to become a mom is to become a warrior. Yes we are tender and provide a safe nurturing environment but we also know the war of self sacrifice. Regardless if your child is calm or colic, self sacrifice is required. I find myself wondering, "how will I shower today?" or "It is already 1pm and I have yet to eat anything." or "It's not a big deal that I have worn the same clothes for 3 days." Nap times have become sacred, for they feel like the only time I can do anything (hence how I am able to blog right now!)

And for the icing on the cake...HORMONES. They are real and they are legit. We moms have known hormones since the day we started our periods. Hormones are a part of me that I accept and embrace despite the irrational thoughts and over exaggerations that may come. Thoughts such as, "I don't want anything to do with that baby right now." or "I think I will just get in the car and drive for hours away from my house." or dare I say, "I am going to shake this baby if he/she cries for one more minute." I used to judge parents but now I KNOW personally the challenge of being a parent. This is why we need a village...I NEED OTHERS! I need others to share both their challenges and joys of being a parent. We need to provide others with a safe environment to share that it's okay you might not like your baby right now. This is my attempt to share bits and pieces of my raw thoughts on being a new mom. Like I mentioned before, being a mom produces a long suffering I never knew existed.

Reflections on Labor

First Lessons by Philip Booth

Lie back daughter, let your head
be tipped back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you. Spread
your arms wide, lie out on the stream
and look high at the gulls. A dead-
man's float is face down. You will dive
and swim soon enough where this tidewater
ebbs to the sea. Daughter, believe
me, when you tire on the long thrash
to your island, lie up, and survive.
As you float now, where I held you
and let go, remember when fear
cramps your heart what I told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year
stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.

I am pretty sure I have posted this poem before but it now has additional meaning to me as it was one of the poems that helped me get through labor and delivery. It has almost been 7 weeks and I continue to process the experience of Jamison entering the world. I recently got to look at the photos that my dear friend Jessica took during the last two hours of labor. I am grateful for these photos and how I get to see a perspective that was not possible in the moment. The photos still bring me to tears every time I look at them. A spiritual experience of productive pain is how I have been thinking about it lately.

Express Yourself lil' JO

Jamison has grown up so fast, even in just a week. It seems like all of a sudden he is responding more with cooing, smiling, and even giggles. He is very expressive! Here are some videos to prove it!